Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
