Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
