if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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