So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
