not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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