It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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