i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
