Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
