I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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