Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
