my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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