Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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