i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Randomize
