i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
