I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
