Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
