I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She announced her abortion via fbk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
