capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
