I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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