I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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