Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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