you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
