there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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