I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
