I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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