I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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