It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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