Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
