I wanna passion pit in your ass
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
