and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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