Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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