This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
