my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
