You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
