I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
