I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
