I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
