Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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