Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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