after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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