If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
