Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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