she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
