first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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