So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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