Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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