Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
