Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Say something about gay babies.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
