but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
