You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
