Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
