I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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