to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
