dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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