Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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