this beer tastes like vomit already
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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