I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
