he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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